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以强盛的一念创造胜利

李慧敏, 雪兰莪

阅读师匠池田大作先生的指导时,我偶然发现《御书》中的一段御文说, “应先学习临终的事,然后学习其他的事。”(御书1479页,白话)我才知道到害怕死亡是无用的,因为每个人都会有死亡的一天,重要的是珍惜每一刻。

李慧敏我诞生在一个有御本尊的家庭,我母亲坚信日莲佛法能战胜所有的困境,从小就鼓励我唱题。即使不理解唱题的意义,我也会为了在学业上取得优秀的成绩而唱题。直到上大学基础班,第一次考试不及格,令我深受打击。这时,一位学会的前辈鼓励我为下次的考试也要认真唱题祈求。母亲是我人生中的精神支柱,她总是指引我如何在现实生活中体现出佛法信仰者的姿态。从那时起,除了学习,我都会唱题。将烦恼变成前进的动力,我终于通过所有考试。因此我更加相信妙法的力量,也怀着感恩的心唱题,母亲非常支持我。然而,由于家里的经济状况,我必须停学去工作维持家计。

人生的转折点

2016 年,母亲被诊断出患有严重的肾衰竭和心脏疾病,又突然陷入昏迷。我们一家人感到极其痛苦,母亲一直是家中的精神支柱,犹如黑暗中的明灯,不敢相信她随时会离开我们。但我们没有放弃希望,一起唱题祈求母亲能够早日康复,继续完成她的使命。当时,我和弟弟积极参加学会活动,通过阅读学会的书籍学习佛法。阅读师匠池田大作先生的指导时,我偶然发现《御书》中的一段御文说, “应先学习临终的事,然后学习其他的事。”(御书1479页,白话)我才知道到害怕死亡是无用的,因为每个人都会有死亡的一天,重要的是珍惜每一刻。

有一位学会的前辈前来鼓励我,要以感恩的心为母亲的病情持续唱题。当下无法理解前辈所说的话,可当唱题以后我才发现,是母亲让我们一家人又团聚在一起,也发现这是我们一家人的使命。因为母亲,我们一家人团结起来,一起体验妙法的力量。一念的转变,我不再忐忑不安,而是将所有的阻碍视为成长和前进的跳板。那天晚上,母亲仿佛感受到我内心的转变,听了家人的分享后,安详离世了。

李慧敏
慧敏(后排左)第一次及唯一与全家人的海外旅行

重新振作

母亲离世后我悲痛万分,无法接受她已经永远离开了这个家。后来情况变得更糟,我甚至不想与人见面,也不想唱题,但还是出席了学会的活动。我很感谢学会的同志们在我极其难熬的时刻不断给予鼓励与支持。尤其是池田会长的指导让我重新振作起来。我唱题祈祈愿母亲的安息,告诉自己要像母亲一样成为一家的太阳。

母亲对佛法的坚定与确信,一直坚持到最后的一念和奋斗,令人难忘和激励人心。这让我想要履行身为女儿的责任,决意要努力创造令母亲引以为豪的胜利,同时回报我的人生师匠池田先生。

自己一念的转变也改变了身处的环境,我开始在工作上做出改变。从前的我得不到上司的赏识,工作表现获差评,经常被训斥。因此,我下定决心让自己的工作能力得到认可,成为一个公司不可或缺的员工。我在一个月内掌握了工作职责,也和同事建立了良好的关系。

这种心态上的转变让我产生想要继续完成上大学的梦想,但我总是犹豫不决,内心不断挣扎。尽管如此,我一直坚持参加学会的活动,并钻研池田先生的著作《新·人间革命》。虽然自己的前途茫茫,但我继续家访女子部员,在学会的活动中磨练自己。我想起池田先生曾说: “以身作则的奋斗,才是真正的奋斗。”

2019 年,我开始上网搜寻大学的课程,同时希望上课时间不影响学会活动或工作。最终,我成功找到一门符合所有要求的商务专业课程。我不但申请成功入学,还获得国家高等教育基金局贷学金,这一切都更加深我对日莲佛法的确信。

奋然向前进

回想那几年所经历的种种挑战,我不再感到悲伤,反而很感激自己所经历的一切,过程中让我学到了很多事情。往后我希望通过我的体验分享鼓励更多青年。事实上,我已经能够通过自身的挑战鼓励很多人。我相信母亲会为我的成就引以为豪,如今我克服了自己的弱点,并持续深化对日莲佛法的求道心。

母亲永不放弃的精神一直激励着我。我决意要像太阳一样,为身边的人带来希望,持续以池田先生的指导,培育更多为他人幸福而努力的青年。

摘自2020年5月《宇宙》

李慧敏I was born into a family practising Nichiren Buddhism. It was my mother’s conviction that Buddhism can help us overcome all problems that encouraged me. So even though I did not understand the meaning accurately I would chant for good academic results. But I was devastated when I failed several subjects in my first foundation course exams. I was encouraged by a senior in faith to chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo earnestly for the next round of exams. My mother who has been a pillar of strength in my life gave me constant guidance on how our Buddhist faith manifests itself in daily life. Since then, apart from focusing on my studies, I would chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo abundantly. I transformed my misery into confidence and passed all subjects. This strengthened my faith and I chanted with immense gratitude, with my mother supporting me all the way. However, due to serious financial problems, I had to temporarily halt my studies and start working. 

A Sudden Twist in Life 

2016 was a tumultuous year for my family. My mother was diagnosed with severe health issues such as kidney failure and heart problems. She also slipped in and out of comas. It was extremely painful for us; she was a pillar of strength and guiding light for our family, and we couldn’t imagine she could leave us. We did not give up hope and chanted for her to fully recover and fulfil her mission.  My brother and I earnestly participated in SGM activities and studied Buddhism by reading SGM publications. While reading a guidance by our mentor Daisaku Ikeda, I came across a passage from Nichiren’s writings, “First of all learn about death, and then about other things.” (WND-2, pg 759) I realised that fearing death is futile because everyone will die one day – what matters is to cherish each moment. 

A senior member encouraged me to chant with gratitude for my mother. At that moment it was difficult to grasp the meaning of this guidance but I chanted and realised that It was my mother who brought us all together and helped us connect with our mission. It helped us unite as a family and experience the power of Buddhism. With a change in approach, my anxiety reduced and I started to view all obstacles as a springboard for growth and advancement. That night, it felt as if my mother understood this transformation in me, and after listening to our sharing, she passed away peacefully.

李慧敏
Hooi Min (back row, left) with her family on their first and only overseas trip to Thailand

Pulling Myself Together 

Yet, losing my mother broke my heart and I found it hard to accept she was gone forever. At one point, I even avoided meeting people and practising Buddhism. Still, I pushed myself to attend SGM activities and deeply appreciate the support and encouragement I received from fellow members who stood by us at this incredibly difficult time. President Ikeda’s encouragement also helped rouse me once again in faith. I chanted earnestly for my mother’s repose and to be a sun-like presence in my family, just like my mother was. 

Her strong, doubt-free faith and the diligence with which she exerted herself in faith and practice right till the very end were unforgettable and inspiring. I wanted to fulfil my responsibility as a young women’s division (YWD) member. I also made a vow to strive to create victories my mother can be proud of and dedicate them to my mentor. 

This change in attitude helped in transforming my environment and it started to transform my working life. In the beginning, I felt I was never appreciated, did poorly at work and was constantly reprimanded by my boss. After making a resolve to become an indispensable employee whose capabilities are recognised, I mastered my job scope and formed good relationships with my colleagues within a month. 

This newfound determination and strength encouraged me to list down things I wished to accomplish and completing my education was on top of it.  But self-doubt arose and the process became really difficult. However, I consistently pursued participating in SGM activities and studied President Ikeda’s The New Human Revolution. Though I was uncertain about my prospects, I continued to visit fellow YWD members and strive in SGM activities. I also recalled President Ikeda saying that we must become a role model for others through our own victories. 

I looked for a course that would begin in May 2019 and won’t disrupt my participation in SGM activities or my work. I found a suitable business course and was successful in my application. I also managed to obtain a National Higher Education Fund loan for my studies just in time. All this strengthened my conviction in Nichiren Buddhism even further. 

Moving Forward Resolutely

Reflecting on what has happened in the past few years, I no longer feel bitter. I am deeply grateful for what I have gone through and what I have learnt from these experiences. I look forward to sharing my experiences with fellow youths to encourage them. In fact, I have been able to encourage others through my struggles. I am certain my mother would be proud of what I have achieved, as I have won over my weaknesses and strengthened my practice of Nichiren Buddhism. 

My mother’s never-be-defeated spirit continues to inspire me. I am determined to be like the sun who imparts hope to the people around me, and continue to foster young people who will work for the happiness of others through the teachings of President Ikeda. 

Adapted from the May 2020 issue of COSMIC.

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