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拂去失败的恐惧

梁翠娜, 吉隆坡

我感觉筋疲力尽,失去工作的喜悦,身心都无法胜任报道工作。我开始厌倦这份工作,因为远离我想通过文笔改变世界的初衷与理想。郁闷吞噬我的内心,无助感带来巨大的痛苦。

Trinna Leong“只有一样东西会让梦想无法实现,那就是对失败的恐惧。”(巴西现代小说家保罗·科埃略)

我是完美主义者,但总是被恐惧控制,害怕失败,害怕失望,害怕自己不够好。有时,我认为自己是移动悖论,欠缺安全感,但又渴望变得勇敢。这种矛盾的对立情绪经常出现在我的工作上。

深受新闻塑造思维与观点的启发,我自小就想当记者。但我大学修读了化学,最后绕了远路才在美国著名大学考取了新闻学硕士。

面对现实的挑战

然而,毕业后我很难找工作,许多亲戚朋友纷纷质疑我的职业选择,而且普遍认为记者的薪酬偏低。后来,我终于当上前线采访记者,在新闻业找到自己的位置,报道了航空事故、难民危机、金融丑闻、政治暗杀等几项重大新闻事件。可是,在所谓耀眼的新闻生活背后,却是极其污染的工作环境,观点比正义和道德更重要。

我曾面对文稿被编辑批判得一文不值、被剽窃,上司为了个人表现而忽视及恶言中伤我等情况。

2018年,我感觉筋疲力尽,失去工作的喜悦,身心都无法胜任报道工作。我开始厌倦这份工作,因为远离我想通过文笔改变世界的初衷与理想。郁闷吞噬我的内心,无助感带来巨大的痛苦。

运用“法华经兵法”

于是,我重新立下祈求目标:一、获得幸福并在职场上创造价值。二、在工作中发挥最大的潜能。

设定这些目标也意味转换工作。我不知道何去何从,但希望不离新闻业太远,因为尽管面对各种苦恼,我已爱上这个行业。这时的我也竭尽心力鼓励身边的同志,并向新朋友介绍日莲佛法。

到了2020年,我决定以崭新的决意挑战唱题,不流于形式地唱题,以绝对胜利的确信彻底祈求。

当时,虽然还没有找到新工作,但我毅然辞职。我确信通过祈求一定能够得到最好的结果,并于最佳的时机获得最好的安排。

我是在无人可预测的新冠疫情前辞职。辞职通知期限届满时,刚好在第一回行动管制令实施当中,我完全不晓得自己接着要做什么。我提出辞呈时受到很多批评,亲戚说我不懂感恩;朋友建议我收回辞职信。当时经济活动停摆,但我还是选择离开,我不想为自己的幸福妥协。

相信自己的佛性

Trinna Leong APAC 2022

我确信自己生命中的佛性与祈求的力量,这是信心飞跃的一大步。我不曾在人生中做出如此大胆的决定。

持续祈求八个月后,我收到一家科技公司的工作邀请,在东南亚各地提供免费新闻编辑培训,帮助记者和编辑掌握数字时代的技能。工作内容完全符合我的祈求目标,在创造价值的同时获得快乐,并让我发挥真正的潜能。

两年合约届满时,我圆满完成亚太地区两项主要的任务。第一,在年度错误信息峰会上,与事实核查员、学者和记者一起讨论、分享如何在基层打击错误信息。2022年,达到近两千人报名,并由诺贝尔和平奖得主作主题演讲。第二,2022年以八种语言开展了向年轻人介绍事实核查的运动,超过四千人参加,网上阅读量超过三万八千次。

合同届满后,我有幸被聘请为外部顾问,并且获得更高的薪酬。

Trinna前方的路

我由衷感激,通过誓愿的祈求,我开启了胜利之道,得到这些机会。我也终于实现梦想,为本地新闻业的蓬勃发展做出贡献。

从多年的工作经验中,我意识到,努力工作、效率和天赋固然是关键因素,但成功需要福运。当努力、工作成就被否定、遇到瓶颈时,要如何跨越呢?答案很简单——那就是坚持唱题,确信自己是佛,一定会赢取胜利。

我仍未抵达终点,旅程还很漫长!在这段经历中,师匠池田先生的鼓励是我的动力泉源,使我不屈服于己心之魔,也不放弃!

池田先生说,“祈求―就是决不放弃的勇气,是与失去自信、丧气、软弱的搏斗,也是在生命中刻印‘一定能改变现状’的劳业。祈求―摧毁恐怖,放逐悲哀,点燃希望的火焰,是改写命运篇章的革命。相信自己!不自卑!自卑是对佛法的背叛,是对心中佛界的冒渎。”

我从中学到如何接受和拥抱自己的佛性,不再自卑!我决心继续成为开拓者,在工作中结合佛法的价值,为青年和年轻记者带来希望和醒觉意识。

摘自2023年1月份《宇宙

Siow Yoon Kee had a long-standing ambition to become a doctor since his secondary school days. However, his motivation to save lives had not taken deep root.

During his college years, he battled gastrointestinal diseases and sought medical treatment from numerous doctors but to no avail. Coupled with a demanding schedule, he experienced immense stress and despair, even contemplating ending his life. Eventually, through the power of chanting Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo (daimoku), he realised that his illness was a consequence of an irregular lifestyle, and acknowledged his own arrogance and negligence in his faith. This profound experience led to a shift in his perspective on the purpose of becoming a doctor.

After graduating, he was filled with joy and excitement on his first day of work, being addressed as a doctor. However, that excitement didn’t last. The overwhelming workload, long hours, and the constant fear of being reprimanded for mistakes quickly diminished his initial joy. As a result, the tough realities of the job made him less motivated and less excited about the work he had to do.

Yoon Kee reflected, “I would feel annoyed by patients, especially during night shifts when they complained of pain. I would question them with a skeptical tone. It seemed like I had become a terrible doctor, losing my passion for the job. During those unpleasant days, it was through repeatedly chanting the daimoku that I gradually reflected on my own attitude.”

“I recall a training session for the Beacon Group, a medical group within Soka Gakkai Malaysia, where our seniors encouraged us to face the Gohonzon with our most authentic selves. Inspired by their guidance, I wholeheartedly put it into practice and truly felt the profound joy that daimoku brings. Chanting the daimoku is indeed the greatest of all joys.”

Doctor Siow Yoon Kee

The power of daimoku awakened a profound sense of compassion in Yoon Kee, inspiring him to strive in his human revolution and towards becoming a doctor who could genuinely listen to his patients’ voices.

“After a change in mindset, it was incredible how I found myself wanting to treat patients like family and making an effort to truly listen to their words. My colleagues also noticed that I was more energetic and confident.”

However, transformation takes time and effort. Yoon Kee realised that the biggest hurdle for a doctor is their own sense of superiority. Therefore, his aim was to cultivate resilience and to serve selflessly without seeking personal gain. With the goal of becoming a skilled listener, step by step he made steady progress.

“Once, there was a patient in the final stages of cancer who told me he felt hungry and wanted something to eat. Although I was busy with work, I took a couple of minutes to feed the patient before tending to other patients and resuming my duties. Sadly, the patient passed away thirty minutes later. It was a moment that made me appreciate the power and significance of chanting daimoku, as it enabled me to be there at a crucial time and fulfill the patient’s last wish.

“On another occasion, there was a patient who complained to me, pointing out, “You see, my hands are still swollen, and the medication you prescribed is not effective!” In that moment, I patiently reassured the patient, emphasizing the importance of trusting in the medication’s effectiveness. I assured them that if they maintained their belief, they would experience improvement quickly. As a result, after a few days, the patient’s hand recovered, and the swelling subsided.”

Yoon Kee’s transformation became increasingly apparent over time. Through the practice of faith, he has been forged into becoming a doctor with a sense of mission who confronts the challenges of society with determination. While he humbly recognizes his own areas for growth, he consistently emphasises his resolute dedication to becoming a proficient listener and continuously improving himself.

Adapted from Cosmic May 2017

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